After a phone call with my grandmother, wishing her a 'Happy Birthday', tears flow upon my face. No it is not because she is not well. I'd asked her if everything was well, and she said yes. She seems fine, happy and healthy. I was just going to ask her how everything was, whether she was well, when she interrupted saying, "Here, talk to Aunt Christine," one Aunt I particularly despise, because she was the one who introduced my now stepmum to my dad. So I quickly said, "No, I want to talk to you." My grandma then said, "But you're already talking to me, here." But I insisted, "No, ..er.. today's your day! I want to talk to you!" avoiding having to speak with my nemesis aunt. But also, I wanted to know how my grandmother was, how she is, and if everything is well.
Okay so then I finally got to ask, and thankfully all is well.
Then, I was like, "Do you want to talk to Dad again?" And she said, "No, I want to talk to... what's her name.. Mum."
I, lost for words, I said, "Err... .... " silent for a little bit, until my grandma said, "You know, your dad's wife. What do you call her?"
"Uhh. Auntie." I replied, quickly, because she was right there in front of me, holding out her hand as if she wanted to grab the phone already, smiling in her crooked smiling way.
"Well you should call her, 'Mum'." my grandmother insisted.
"Uhh..No." I didn't want to be rude to her on her birthday, but at that point tears started running. I took a moment not saying anything to catch my breath, not wanting to sound like I cried, and gave the phone to her.

This is what it's like with my dad's family.
Only because my dad's the one with the new wife, they insisted that my dad remarried, and that I should treat her and call her 'Mum'.
Do they not understand, how it feels, when someone says that, and you know you cannot treat another person to replace someone else. My dad's side of the family are always like that.
They are never empathetical, or even sympathetic. They are always selfish, and say whatever they like, without thinking firstly how others would feel. They do what they like, without thinking how it affects other people. Most of the time, they verbally abuse me, but do they realise it, no. Their words stab me in the heart. They talk about others behind their backs, untrue things about ones they hate.
However, this is my family.
I cannot lie to say I am not one bit ashamed, but I have to accept this.
I respect them, I listen to them, I would follow their orders.
In the past, I have always argued, if they said painful things to me. They made me cry, I made them even more infuriated. Once I had an argument with my grandma, I kicked her in the shin. She got even more angry, and I got into even more trouble.
Then I used to always argue with everyone if I disagreed with what they said.
Now, I am a doormat, I let others trample. I let others say what they like, even if it hurts me, because I don't want to argue back, and hurt them in return.

I hear accounts of other teenagers around me, being rebellious to their parents, arguing with them, swearing, cursing. I look at them and think to myself, if only I could do that, express my feelings without hurting anyone.

24 Augustus 2010 17:28 PM