Am I a goldfish trying to climb a tree?

Is it too far fetched?
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

I don't know. People around me think I'm stupid, and that I won't even be able to finish year 12 this year. In knowing this, I'm starting to doubt myself too!

I remember when I was young I had ALWAYS wanted to be a lawyer, and that I want to be a Harvard Law School graduate.
Now is the time to start preparing to apply to universities, and I know of many of my friends who are applying to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, etc.
Just these recent years I'd already started doubting myself.
When someone ask what I want to do, I'd say "Law.... but I know it'd be difficult to get into."
it's like I have no self-esteem, like I don't even believe that I am capable to get into Law.
Maybe it's the OCD- all this worrying. It's really frustrating, I just want to be normal again. I have enough to deal with and I hate everything.

Anyway seeing some of my friends apply to those top universities, I want to be able to get into Harvard too. That's been my dream since I was little. I have the chance to apply, why not now that I'm right in front of it.

I asked my dad his opinion on me applying to Harvard and he sort of raised his tone.
He lectured me on how when I was 14, I moved to Surabaya, to live on my own, and then only after a semester I didn't want to go there anymore. So I am fickle. And if he had paid the expensive enrollment and everything to go to a top university and then only after a semester I change my mind, he'll have no more money.
And then he said- but then you don't even know if you're going to be accepted or not.
(I felt as if he was implying that I'm not capable enough to get accepted- and this made me sort of doubt myself too- am I a goldfish trying to climb a tree? I am definitely not the smartest person in my high school there are way more people who are better than me at everything in my school, but I've always been ambitious.)
Do I walk away from my childhood dreams because people doubt me? I've always said that you have to think big to be big and great, you are what you believe, but now I'm starting to doubt myself too.

MAHATMA MOHANDAS GANDHI

was an activist against violence.
What did he do to stop violence?
Starve himself.

I see that as attracting attention to oneself.
I find it strange how he was able to stop the violence by doing that.
And starving himself is just stupid.
There are people in Africa who are starving. They are starving because they do not have food to eat.
Mohandas Gandhi was given food, but he refused to eat it.
Honestly, that's not being grateful for what you have, is it.
That's a pretty childish thing to do.
Having lived in South Africa, I think he should know better, seeing the people on the streets starving. But then again, he didn't really like the African race. He believed the white race was the most superior race.

"Be the change you want to see in the world" was what he said. That's hypocritical considering he starved himself when he had food, does he want to see everyone in the world starving themselves so they can get attention and get what they want.
Like 2 year olds, they cry, attracting attention to themselves so they can get whatever they please.

I believe you have to do something bold to change the world, you have to step away from your comforts, step away from attracting attention to yourself. Be modest, be humble. "Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." (quote by Frank Leahy)

Anyway who am I to say, I haven't done anything. People don't know who I am, lots of people dislike me.
Mohandas Gandhi, on the other hand, at least, most people think that he's done something good for the world.

Stop questioning, just smile- part II

WHY IS THAT PERSON SO LUCKY

THAT STUCK UP MEAN GIRL GOT INTO AN IVY LEAGUE UNIVERSITY


WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE



I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT



EVERYONE HATES ME