Am I a goldfish trying to climb a tree?

Is it too far fetched?
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

I don't know. People around me think I'm stupid, and that I won't even be able to finish year 12 this year. In knowing this, I'm starting to doubt myself too!

I remember when I was young I had ALWAYS wanted to be a lawyer, and that I want to be a Harvard Law School graduate.
Now is the time to start preparing to apply to universities, and I know of many of my friends who are applying to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, etc.
Just these recent years I'd already started doubting myself.
When someone ask what I want to do, I'd say "Law.... but I know it'd be difficult to get into."
it's like I have no self-esteem, like I don't even believe that I am capable to get into Law.
Maybe it's the OCD- all this worrying. It's really frustrating, I just want to be normal again. I have enough to deal with and I hate everything.

Anyway seeing some of my friends apply to those top universities, I want to be able to get into Harvard too. That's been my dream since I was little. I have the chance to apply, why not now that I'm right in front of it.

I asked my dad his opinion on me applying to Harvard and he sort of raised his tone.
He lectured me on how when I was 14, I moved to Surabaya, to live on my own, and then only after a semester I didn't want to go there anymore. So I am fickle. And if he had paid the expensive enrollment and everything to go to a top university and then only after a semester I change my mind, he'll have no more money.
And then he said- but then you don't even know if you're going to be accepted or not.
(I felt as if he was implying that I'm not capable enough to get accepted- and this made me sort of doubt myself too- am I a goldfish trying to climb a tree? I am definitely not the smartest person in my high school there are way more people who are better than me at everything in my school, but I've always been ambitious.)
Do I walk away from my childhood dreams because people doubt me? I've always said that you have to think big to be big and great, you are what you believe, but now I'm starting to doubt myself too.

MAHATMA MOHANDAS GANDHI

was an activist against violence.
What did he do to stop violence?
Starve himself.

I see that as attracting attention to oneself.
I find it strange how he was able to stop the violence by doing that.
And starving himself is just stupid.
There are people in Africa who are starving. They are starving because they do not have food to eat.
Mohandas Gandhi was given food, but he refused to eat it.
Honestly, that's not being grateful for what you have, is it.
That's a pretty childish thing to do.
Having lived in South Africa, I think he should know better, seeing the people on the streets starving. But then again, he didn't really like the African race. He believed the white race was the most superior race.

"Be the change you want to see in the world" was what he said. That's hypocritical considering he starved himself when he had food, does he want to see everyone in the world starving themselves so they can get attention and get what they want.
Like 2 year olds, they cry, attracting attention to themselves so they can get whatever they please.

I believe you have to do something bold to change the world, you have to step away from your comforts, step away from attracting attention to yourself. Be modest, be humble. "Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." (quote by Frank Leahy)

Anyway who am I to say, I haven't done anything. People don't know who I am, lots of people dislike me.
Mohandas Gandhi, on the other hand, at least, most people think that he's done something good for the world.

Dead Poets Society

This morning I watched 'Dead Poets Society' to cheer myself up (I was getting really upset over a biology midyear exam that I did where I didn't get to finish 11 marks worth...)

It's an amazing movie and I'm so glad I watched it, and it left me inspired.


I had never been a fan of poetry/poems, but this movie was about so much more than that.

Carpe diem- seize the day, but also be cautious. Some things are not worth worrying over, just do it. Overcome your fears. And stand up for what you believe in. In the end, Ethan Hawke's character, Todd Anderson, did end up literally standing up for the truth, and he overcame his fear of speaking out loud.



And just be yourself.

"You must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!"

I do highly recommend everyone to watch this.

“But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”
— Mr. Keating - Dead Poets Society

“Truth is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold. You push it, stretch it, it’ll never be enough. Kick at it, beat it, it’ll never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying, it’ll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.”

—	Todd Anderson - Dead Poets Society

Stop questioning, just smile- part II

WHY IS THAT PERSON SO LUCKY

THAT STUCK UP MEAN GIRL GOT INTO AN IVY LEAGUE UNIVERSITY


WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE



I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT



EVERYONE HATES ME

Stop questioning, just smile

That's what I gotta do.
I question, and I think WAY too much.
Only bringing stress upon myself.
What's the point of questioning if you're not going to get an answer
What's the point of thinking if you're not a philosopher and you're not gonna get paid
You can't change the world by thinking and questioning, but you CAN change it by SMILING.
By smiling, you share your happiness to others, when people see you smile, they smile too.
You can light up the world if you smile.
And you'll feel better too.

TOP 10 REASONS TO SMILE! From http://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongbeauty/tp/smiling.htm

1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive

We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in.

2. Smiling Changes Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling Is Contagious

When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress

Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System

Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure

When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger

The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.

9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful

Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.

10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive

Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.

And in the words of Charlie Chaplain and Michael Jackson-
"You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile" :)

Bruno Mars

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I could change
Cause I am not
A plastic surgeon

Why wouldn't you just shove the person away from the grenade, instead of 'catching it'?